Authorities are concerned that wrestling fans may be tempted to copy the bizarre murder-suicide of WWE star Chris Benoit, a report says today.
The report, published by family action group Campaign for Real American Parents (C.R.A.P), explains that the most vulnerable members of society, children and retards, are also the most likely to be devotees of the WWE. It states:
“There can be huge peer-group pressure amongst groups of under-evolved and, frankly common, wrestling enthusiasts to try to re-create the antics of their heroes. We appeal to them, and their carers, please do not murder your wife and child, before, in a likely fit of guilt and remorse, killing yourself. These acts of psychosis are performed by highly-experienced, immensely drugged-up professionals. Please don’t try this at home.”
We contacted Dr Robert Winston, an expert in child-psychology, to see if the actions of Benoit, nicknamed ‘The Canadian Crippler’, may influence British grapple-fans.
He said “It is certainly true that the very lowest strata of humanity, intelligence-wise, can be the most susceptible to copy-cat behaviour, regardless of the morality of such behaviour. Now, if you were to tell me that most or all of these fuckwits watch this dreadful WWF nonsense obsessively, then I would conclude that yes, it is pretty likely that they will want to ‘ape’ the behaviour of the icons they stare at so blankly on their TV screens.”
The report, published by family action group Campaign for Real American Parents (C.R.A.P), explains that the most vulnerable members of society, children and retards, are also the most likely to be devotees of the WWE. It states:
“There can be huge peer-group pressure amongst groups of under-evolved and, frankly common, wrestling enthusiasts to try to re-create the antics of their heroes. We appeal to them, and their carers, please do not murder your wife and child, before, in a likely fit of guilt and remorse, killing yourself. These acts of psychosis are performed by highly-experienced, immensely drugged-up professionals. Please don’t try this at home.”
We contacted Dr Robert Winston, an expert in child-psychology, to see if the actions of Benoit, nicknamed ‘The Canadian Crippler’, may influence British grapple-fans.
He said “It is certainly true that the very lowest strata of humanity, intelligence-wise, can be the most susceptible to copy-cat behaviour, regardless of the morality of such behaviour. Now, if you were to tell me that most or all of these fuckwits watch this dreadful WWF nonsense obsessively, then I would conclude that yes, it is pretty likely that they will want to ‘ape’ the behaviour of the icons they stare at so blankly on their TV screens.”
Dr Winston failed to back our campaign to ban this filth from our television schedules, however, arguing that whilst “we could be in imminent danger of becoming a nation of over-muscular, freakishly veiny, steroid-munching lycra-wearing, frat-boy freaks-of-nature”, the prospect of losing a few thousand “shit-for-brained, obese peasants” from British society could only be a good thing.
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