Hello again to our loyal band of readers with too much time on your hands. After a lengthy summer break, your favourite sub-standard, hastily-cobbled-together, made-up news website is back to bring you the stories that no-one else could be arsed to think up.
A lot has happened since we were last bothered to update here, so here is a quick summary of the global news events we missed while we were “away”.
The UK was hit by flash floods causing death (well a few) and devastation throughout Yorkshire and the South-East. Although, judging by the English media coverage you’d be forgiven for thinking they’d suffered a biblical storm so mighty that it could bum rape Hurricane Katrina and make her it’s bitch for life.
Forest fires have raged throughout Greece destroying everything in their wake and killing hundreds of people. Or to put it another way, this is a proper life-threatening disaster on a huge and terrifying scale. But do we see any coverage of this in the British news? Do we shite. Why? Because apparently, dead foreign people don’t count as much as a vicar in Cirencester’s Renault getting a bit damp.
The battle for next year’s US Presidential nominations continued apace with some fascinating televised debates revealing that oh, alright then we didn’t watch any of them. But really, did you? Honestly? Go on then, what happened? Why not let us know in the Comments box below if you can remember any inspiring pieces of oratory and haven’t yet lost the will to live.
And finally, a roundup of news in brief:
Big Brother 8 stumbles pathetically to its conclusion like a Scotsman on his way home from an all-night All-the-fortified wine-you can-drink-for a pound party.
Female celebrities have gone mental:
Britney Spears (pissed/ loony/ bald)
Lindsay Lohan (pissed/ arrested/ pissed/ arrested-again)
Amy Winehouse (pissed/ unwell/ pissed/ married/ pissed/ on drugs/ suicide attempt/ drugs collapse/ rehab/ pissed again/ more drugs/ new Pete Doherty etc,etc,etc)
Barry Bonds made baseball history by breaking Hank Aaron’s all-time home-run record. Oh and the Tour De France was once again blighted by numerous doping offences.
(NB- The preceding two sentences just happen to be next to each other to save space and for absolutely no other reason whatsoever.)
Princess Diana, after 10 years, is still dead.
David Cameron is still a twat.
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