ITV are today facing up to a new faking scandal as reports surface that things on their new reality show Hell’s Kitchen, are not quite what they seem.
We have come into possession of a dossier that clearly proves this programme is a big fat phoney.
The first incident of clear misrepresentation occurred in their promotional literature, where racist Ian Beale-doppelganger, Jim Davidson, was described as “a comedian”. This claim alone would be enough to sink the production’s credibility, seeing as how it has been a matter of public record that the weasel-faced, ginger, bigoted talent-void has never said or done, either accidentally or purposefully, anything funny in his shameful waste of a life.
The misleading of the public continues apace. Likeable Big Brother 2 winner Brian Dowling was billed as a “television presenter”. However, when we conducted a straw poll on the streets of London this morning, no-one from a hundred people asked, could name any programme Mr Dowling has ever presented. (Although, our legal team have asked us to point out the fact that this does not technically constitute proof in a court of law. Well that, and the fact that the only people we could find who would speak to us were tramps, who we plied with Tesco Value lager, and who, unsurprisingly, did not seem to own even one television set amongst them. )
Once you add to these TV crimes (see what we did there?) the revelation that Hell’s Kitchen itself is not even a restaurant but is in fact a temporary television studio done out to be like a restaurant then it is clear that the viewing populace is being defrauded on a massive scale.
We have come into possession of a dossier that clearly proves this programme is a big fat phoney.
The first incident of clear misrepresentation occurred in their promotional literature, where racist Ian Beale-doppelganger, Jim Davidson, was described as “a comedian”. This claim alone would be enough to sink the production’s credibility, seeing as how it has been a matter of public record that the weasel-faced, ginger, bigoted talent-void has never said or done, either accidentally or purposefully, anything funny in his shameful waste of a life.
The misleading of the public continues apace. Likeable Big Brother 2 winner Brian Dowling was billed as a “television presenter”. However, when we conducted a straw poll on the streets of London this morning, no-one from a hundred people asked, could name any programme Mr Dowling has ever presented. (Although, our legal team have asked us to point out the fact that this does not technically constitute proof in a court of law. Well that, and the fact that the only people we could find who would speak to us were tramps, who we plied with Tesco Value lager, and who, unsurprisingly, did not seem to own even one television set amongst them. )
Once you add to these TV crimes (see what we did there?) the revelation that Hell’s Kitchen itself is not even a restaurant but is in fact a temporary television studio done out to be like a restaurant then it is clear that the viewing populace is being defrauded on a massive scale.
We contacted ITV chiefs with our evidence this morning and asked them if they had anything to say on the matter. Shamefully, they dismissed our bombshell claims as “the worst kind of cock” and pointed out the sheer pointlessness of a made-up news-reporting website pretending to be in possession of bogus allegations of imaginary fakery. But then again, they would say that wouldn’t they?
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