Conservative lobbyists have called for a new late-night digital television programme to be banned before it airs tonight. The show, ‘Danger Wanks’, is to be broadcast on recently-established digital channel Bongo TV.
Preview tapes of ‘Danger Wanks’ have been widely distributed to the media in a blitzkrieg publicity campaign by the channel in an attempt to whip up a storm of controversy.
The blurb suggests that the show contains moderately-pornographic images of naked women exploring their bodies for approximately two minutes at a time. Spliced footage of incongruous topics is then edited in.
We asked Jack Der Ripper, creative director of Bongo TV to explain the point of this bizarre televisual experiment.
“Well it’s called Danger Wanks, because we show the good stuff like naked ladies soaping themselves up to encourage our male viewers to wank themselves off. But there’s a twist.
After exactly two minutes and fourteen seconds of each porno scene (which scientists have discovered is the exact amount of time it takes to get to the vinegar strokes while knocking one out when hunched over the TV screen) we cut away to an image designed to disturb you as you reach climax. That’s the challenge. Can you toss against the clock or will you face the danger of blurting your load over a deeply inappropriate piece of film that could psychologically scar you for life?”
In tonight’s pilot episode, we have been promised footage of a beautiful Latvian woman indulging a bit of nude car washing to get you up the runway, which is then replaced after the standard two minutes and fourteen seconds, with film of Michael Parkinson spitting on a hen.
Prominent Tory and Mary Whitehouse-devotee Geoffrey Preen of the perpetually outraged Scaremongerers Group is leading the charge to have the show pulled from the schedules after witnessing first-hand the damage that can be inflicted.
“I attended a public screening of this despicable programme at the Roxy in Soho last week and I could barely believe what I was witnessing.
One minute I’m happily ensconced in the back row, vigorously tugging away at my proud member of parliament while ogling a lovely young thing on the big screen. When, suddenly and without any warning, I end up spilling my hot porridge oats all over my lap to shots of Inch High Private Eye. You know, the cartoon private eye who is only an inch high. Needless to say, I am now a paedophile.”
If you’re brave enough, 'Danger Wanks' is on Bongo TV at 11.30 tonight. Why not give it a look? And be sure to let us know if you have been mentally or emotionally affected by it. Especially if you develop a kinky fetish for poultry-abuse as we happen to have a few chickens in a field that we might let you borrow for a reasonable price. Just think about it anyway yeah?
Preview tapes of ‘Danger Wanks’ have been widely distributed to the media in a blitzkrieg publicity campaign by the channel in an attempt to whip up a storm of controversy.
The blurb suggests that the show contains moderately-pornographic images of naked women exploring their bodies for approximately two minutes at a time. Spliced footage of incongruous topics is then edited in.
We asked Jack Der Ripper, creative director of Bongo TV to explain the point of this bizarre televisual experiment.
“Well it’s called Danger Wanks, because we show the good stuff like naked ladies soaping themselves up to encourage our male viewers to wank themselves off. But there’s a twist.
After exactly two minutes and fourteen seconds of each porno scene (which scientists have discovered is the exact amount of time it takes to get to the vinegar strokes while knocking one out when hunched over the TV screen) we cut away to an image designed to disturb you as you reach climax. That’s the challenge. Can you toss against the clock or will you face the danger of blurting your load over a deeply inappropriate piece of film that could psychologically scar you for life?”
In tonight’s pilot episode, we have been promised footage of a beautiful Latvian woman indulging a bit of nude car washing to get you up the runway, which is then replaced after the standard two minutes and fourteen seconds, with film of Michael Parkinson spitting on a hen.
Prominent Tory and Mary Whitehouse-devotee Geoffrey Preen of the perpetually outraged Scaremongerers Group is leading the charge to have the show pulled from the schedules after witnessing first-hand the damage that can be inflicted.
“I attended a public screening of this despicable programme at the Roxy in Soho last week and I could barely believe what I was witnessing.
One minute I’m happily ensconced in the back row, vigorously tugging away at my proud member of parliament while ogling a lovely young thing on the big screen. When, suddenly and without any warning, I end up spilling my hot porridge oats all over my lap to shots of Inch High Private Eye. You know, the cartoon private eye who is only an inch high. Needless to say, I am now a paedophile.”
If you’re brave enough, 'Danger Wanks' is on Bongo TV at 11.30 tonight. Why not give it a look? And be sure to let us know if you have been mentally or emotionally affected by it. Especially if you develop a kinky fetish for poultry-abuse as we happen to have a few chickens in a field that we might let you borrow for a reasonable price. Just think about it anyway yeah?
No comments:
Post a Comment