That’s right fans, we haven’t deserted you. In case you’ve been hankering after some sub-Two Ronnies jokes based on tit-bits of the latest world news, well hanker no more. We’ve scoured the world of actual real news for you and condensed it all up real nice below. Enjoy!
The war of words between the two front-runners for the Democratic Presidential nomination, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, intensified today. Following Senator Clinton’s inflammatory accusation that he was making race an issue in the campaign, Mr Obama, after ridiculing the notion, hit back by questioning Mrs Clinton’s commitment to the Presidency:
The war of words between the two front-runners for the Democratic Presidential nomination, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, intensified today. Following Senator Clinton’s inflammatory accusation that he was making race an issue in the campaign, Mr Obama, after ridiculing the notion, hit back by questioning Mrs Clinton’s commitment to the Presidency:
“It seems perfectly clear to me that Senator Clinton is leading us all a merry dance here. As if she’ll have the time to implement even half of her proposals in the White House while she’s still running her card shop empire!”
A wall containing the ‘art’ of inexplicably successful chancer, Banksy, is to be sold today for a whopping £210,000. Art expert Tim Marlow expressed concern at the development:
A wall containing the ‘art’ of inexplicably successful chancer, Banksy, is to be sold today for a whopping £210,000. Art expert Tim Marlow expressed concern at the development:
“We simply can’t have a no-talent huckster, motivated entirely by fiscal reward and with no consideration whatsoever for creating anything beautiful and lasting, churning-out this kind of soulless pap in the Modern Art world. That’s Damien Hirst’s job.”
To the palpable relief of The Daily Express, it seems like the interminable saga of the Dian Inquest is still nowhere near concluding. So, in the interests of public-service pretend-journalism, here’s a summary of what we’ve discovered so far:
To the palpable relief of The Daily Express, it seems like the interminable saga of the Dian Inquest is still nowhere near concluding. So, in the interests of public-service pretend-journalism, here’s a summary of what we’ve discovered so far:
The late, great Queen of Hearts, Princess Diana had a surprisingly friendly relationship with / was bullied by her former father-in-law, the arrogant chimp-faced racist, Prince Phillip.
She was in love with, planning to marry and expecting the child of / having a cheap fling (what with him being a rich playboy and that) with Dodi Al Fayed.
The Michael Jackson song ‘Dirty Diana’ was not, actually, written about England’s Rose after all. According to her rock butler (apparently he used to set the tables dressed as Shakin’ Stevens) Paul Burrell, it was almost certainly penned in memory of fellow dead blonde bombshell, Diana Dors.
He said “I was told this several years ago by my good friend Bruce Springsteen. So it must be true.”
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