In news that is set to be so earth-shatteringly shocking that those whingeing bloody polar bears may finally be devoured by the gaping chasm of the now-annihilated ice caps, leaving them to spiral towards subterranean oblivion, we can exclusively reveal that Saddaam Hussein was not actually executed this week.
Yesterdays Knews has just received a secret memo detailing how the hanging was faked in order to create a smokescreen to preserve the biggest surprise in the history of the World. So, in order to spoil this for everybody because we can’t resist showing off how clever we are, here is the scoop of the century. Saddaam is set to be parachuted in to the Celebrity Big Brother house!
It is believed that U.S Military chiefs have been liaising with Endemol, the programme’s makers, in order to pull off this once-in-a-lifetime televisual coup. Our sources have confirmed that there had been concern within the White House, that a quick and painless execution would not be sufficient punishment for the former dictator for his myriad crimes against humanity.
It was therefore decided, after much research into alternative punishments, that it would be a much more fitting penalty for Saddaam to be locked inside a house with H from Steps and Leo Sayer for four weeks.
Saddaam’s lawyers seem certain to appeal this decision on the grounds of it clearly being in breach of the Geneva Convention, and it is understood that they have the full backing of human rights charity Amnesty International.
However, the sentence is now officially classed as irreversible by the Iraqi Supreme Court, so we might as well all enjoy the ride. And, you never know, he might even roll back the years and manage to top a few of the tosspots while he’s in there. Should this be the case, we would like to make it clear that this would be a disgraceful new low for British television but while he’s at it, if he could just take out that Donny knobhead, just for us, we’d be really most grateful.
Yesterdays Knews has just received a secret memo detailing how the hanging was faked in order to create a smokescreen to preserve the biggest surprise in the history of the World. So, in order to spoil this for everybody because we can’t resist showing off how clever we are, here is the scoop of the century. Saddaam is set to be parachuted in to the Celebrity Big Brother house!
It is believed that U.S Military chiefs have been liaising with Endemol, the programme’s makers, in order to pull off this once-in-a-lifetime televisual coup. Our sources have confirmed that there had been concern within the White House, that a quick and painless execution would not be sufficient punishment for the former dictator for his myriad crimes against humanity.
It was therefore decided, after much research into alternative punishments, that it would be a much more fitting penalty for Saddaam to be locked inside a house with H from Steps and Leo Sayer for four weeks.
Saddaam’s lawyers seem certain to appeal this decision on the grounds of it clearly being in breach of the Geneva Convention, and it is understood that they have the full backing of human rights charity Amnesty International.
However, the sentence is now officially classed as irreversible by the Iraqi Supreme Court, so we might as well all enjoy the ride. And, you never know, he might even roll back the years and manage to top a few of the tosspots while he’s in there. Should this be the case, we would like to make it clear that this would be a disgraceful new low for British television but while he’s at it, if he could just take out that Donny knobhead, just for us, we’d be really most grateful.
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