The late Princess of Wales, Diana Spencer and her beau Dodi Al Fayed were not actually killed in the now infamous Paris car accident, as we had all believed. In fact they are still alive and well and living in erotic paradise away from the prying eyes of the World’s press.
Sounds crazy? Well, this is the argument put forward in a shock new tv documentary due to be aired next week. The show, part of the BBC’s new Conspiracy Theories series, presents “evidence” gathered by a team of lonely middle-aged housewives who simply refused to accept that the Queen of Hearts was no longer with us on this mortal coil.
In a special sneak preview of the show, we saw the various factions that have formed who all firmly believe that not only did the princess and the playboy fake their own deaths but that it is blindingly obvious that the crash could not have been real.
The groups have splintered over their theories as to where Dodi and Di might be currently hiding out but the most vociferous group, Suburban Ladies’ Underground Truth Seekers (S.L.U.T.S) , have revealed the most controversial of findings. According to their leader, Mrs Henrietta Smallpox, the couple escaped under the cover of darkness and eloped to a remote fishing village in Northern India, which is locally renowned for its stringent laws enforcing ‘unnatural’ sex acts.
The idea of England’s Rose betraying her legions of female and homosexual fans by tricking them into believing she’d been tragically killed in a Paris death-trap tunnel is surely hard enough to stomach. But the thought that she would do so just to spend the rest of her lifetime enjoying a daily buggering from a tubby waster who just happens to have a name similar to her own (only with two more letters obviously) is quite beyond the pale.
We tried to get a reaction from popular singer Dido but she was sadly unavailable for comment and so we turned our attention to in-the-news beleagured referee Phil Dowd. Unfortunately Mr Dowd was so disgusted by the allegations that he chased our reporter away from his home while shouting that we should “fuck off” and “shut the fuck up”. We were offered a quote from a ‘character’ calling himself Dodd but, when pressed for his considered comments on the news that Princess Diana may be getting a right royal pounding up the poop-chute in darkest India, he could only respond with an animated bout of shouting the words “Yank off, jerk off” repeatedly. Ultimately, that perhaps says it all.
Sounds crazy? Well, this is the argument put forward in a shock new tv documentary due to be aired next week. The show, part of the BBC’s new Conspiracy Theories series, presents “evidence” gathered by a team of lonely middle-aged housewives who simply refused to accept that the Queen of Hearts was no longer with us on this mortal coil.
In a special sneak preview of the show, we saw the various factions that have formed who all firmly believe that not only did the princess and the playboy fake their own deaths but that it is blindingly obvious that the crash could not have been real.
The groups have splintered over their theories as to where Dodi and Di might be currently hiding out but the most vociferous group, Suburban Ladies’ Underground Truth Seekers (S.L.U.T.S) , have revealed the most controversial of findings. According to their leader, Mrs Henrietta Smallpox, the couple escaped under the cover of darkness and eloped to a remote fishing village in Northern India, which is locally renowned for its stringent laws enforcing ‘unnatural’ sex acts.
The idea of England’s Rose betraying her legions of female and homosexual fans by tricking them into believing she’d been tragically killed in a Paris death-trap tunnel is surely hard enough to stomach. But the thought that she would do so just to spend the rest of her lifetime enjoying a daily buggering from a tubby waster who just happens to have a name similar to her own (only with two more letters obviously) is quite beyond the pale.
We tried to get a reaction from popular singer Dido but she was sadly unavailable for comment and so we turned our attention to in-the-news beleagured referee Phil Dowd. Unfortunately Mr Dowd was so disgusted by the allegations that he chased our reporter away from his home while shouting that we should “fuck off” and “shut the fuck up”. We were offered a quote from a ‘character’ calling himself Dodd but, when pressed for his considered comments on the news that Princess Diana may be getting a right royal pounding up the poop-chute in darkest India, he could only respond with an animated bout of shouting the words “Yank off, jerk off” repeatedly. Ultimately, that perhaps says it all.
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