Red Nose Day 2007 was launched yesterday by some of the country’s top comedians (and Jennifer Saunders) in a blaze of publicity at the London Eye.
Comic Relief’s chief spokesman and former television star Lenny Henry was asked to explain the location for the launch and explained that “the eye is close to the nose so it makes sense facially-speaking.”
Professional homosexual Graham Norton then revealed that, to start this year’s proceedings with a bang, they were holding a televised auction of the comics’ most personal possessions.
Norton then proceeded to give details of the generous donations of some of the UK’s premier comedy talent. For instance, Jo Brand is auctioning one of her used tampons, which is expected to cause a lot of interest amongst viewers. Blue comic Bernard Manning interrupted to rant “Jo fucking Brand, at it again! That’s all she ever talks about. Tampax, tampons, sanitary towels and toilets.”
Jim Davidson offered to auction off one of his wives but organisers had to politely refuse as it was believed she was too shop-soiled and bruised to get any kind of price.
Meanwhile, Norton confided that plans to auction off the talent of Billy Connolly had to be scrapped as it has been impossible to locate for several years. It was apparently last seen “disappearing up the arseholes of the British Royal Family” according to Norton. “Mind you” he continued “to be fair to Connolly, he did crack that joke about Ken Bigley didn’t he?”
Flavour-of-the-moment foppish comedian Russell Brand summed up “S’excitin’ ain’t it?” Brand then proceeded to pull down his trousers and pants, w@nked his dinkle til huge gobs of spermatozoa came shooting forth from the crown and shouted “LADS! How about you come and give this comic some relief?”
They warned him about his future conduct and threatened to place him on the sex offender’s register.
Comic Relief’s chief spokesman and former television star Lenny Henry was asked to explain the location for the launch and explained that “the eye is close to the nose so it makes sense facially-speaking.”
Professional homosexual Graham Norton then revealed that, to start this year’s proceedings with a bang, they were holding a televised auction of the comics’ most personal possessions.
Norton then proceeded to give details of the generous donations of some of the UK’s premier comedy talent. For instance, Jo Brand is auctioning one of her used tampons, which is expected to cause a lot of interest amongst viewers. Blue comic Bernard Manning interrupted to rant “Jo fucking Brand, at it again! That’s all she ever talks about. Tampax, tampons, sanitary towels and toilets.”
Jim Davidson offered to auction off one of his wives but organisers had to politely refuse as it was believed she was too shop-soiled and bruised to get any kind of price.
Meanwhile, Norton confided that plans to auction off the talent of Billy Connolly had to be scrapped as it has been impossible to locate for several years. It was apparently last seen “disappearing up the arseholes of the British Royal Family” according to Norton. “Mind you” he continued “to be fair to Connolly, he did crack that joke about Ken Bigley didn’t he?”
Flavour-of-the-moment foppish comedian Russell Brand summed up “S’excitin’ ain’t it?” Brand then proceeded to pull down his trousers and pants, w@nked his dinkle til huge gobs of spermatozoa came shooting forth from the crown and shouted “LADS! How about you come and give this comic some relief?”
They warned him about his future conduct and threatened to place him on the sex offender’s register.
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