The President of the Oxford Union yesterday denied that Monday’s appearance by notorious racists David Irving and Nick Griffin was a cheap and insensitive publicity stunt. In fact Union head Luke Twyll claimed that it was all a case of mistaken identity.
In an astonishing confession, Twyll stated that the booking of Holocaust-denier and Nazi-fetishist Irving, together with BNP thug-in-a-suit Griffin, was an “admin error”.
“You can only imagine my horror when I saw these two monsters arrive at the Union on Monday night” said Master Twyll. “I’d specifically asked for that hilarious fat guy off the telly, Peter Griffin, and the famous songwriter Irving Berlin and left it up to the Union’s secretary to make the necessary arrangements. Well that’s what happens when you trust the working-classes with anything important eh? Dreadful oiks.”
When it was pointed out to Twyll that Peter Griffin is a fictional character in the animated TV show Family Guy and that Irving Berlin has in fact been dead for many years, he backtracked further.
“I knew that of course. Just testing old boy! No, I had, um actually, requested that we book the griffin off the old Midland Bank logo and erm, Eddie Irving (sic), the racing driver. Yes that’s it. Definitely.”
Young Master Twyll was then interrupted by The Telegraph’s correspondent Percival Wilberforce, who explained to him, in no uncertain terms, that he had one last chance to tell the truth or else he would pop the young scoundrel over his knee and give his tender young botty a sound thrashing.
His bottom-lip quivering, Twyll managed to splutter “OK. I made a mistake. Sorry. I meant to say that I meant to invite Derek Griffiths, the Playschool presenter and the 18th Century writer Washington Irving. Now please excuse me, I have to go” before running away as fast as his little legs would carry him.
We met up with Seventies style icon Derek Griffiths last night over cocktails to gauge his reaction to this somewhat surprising news. He said “I was really excited to hear about the offer to speak at the Oxford Union when you rang me this afternoon. So I rang Oxford University up and told them I’d be delighted to accept the invitation if it still stands. The man on the other end said they don’t let blacks on the premises and hung up.”
In an astonishing confession, Twyll stated that the booking of Holocaust-denier and Nazi-fetishist Irving, together with BNP thug-in-a-suit Griffin, was an “admin error”.
“You can only imagine my horror when I saw these two monsters arrive at the Union on Monday night” said Master Twyll. “I’d specifically asked for that hilarious fat guy off the telly, Peter Griffin, and the famous songwriter Irving Berlin and left it up to the Union’s secretary to make the necessary arrangements. Well that’s what happens when you trust the working-classes with anything important eh? Dreadful oiks.”
When it was pointed out to Twyll that Peter Griffin is a fictional character in the animated TV show Family Guy and that Irving Berlin has in fact been dead for many years, he backtracked further.
“I knew that of course. Just testing old boy! No, I had, um actually, requested that we book the griffin off the old Midland Bank logo and erm, Eddie Irving (sic), the racing driver. Yes that’s it. Definitely.”
Young Master Twyll was then interrupted by The Telegraph’s correspondent Percival Wilberforce, who explained to him, in no uncertain terms, that he had one last chance to tell the truth or else he would pop the young scoundrel over his knee and give his tender young botty a sound thrashing.
His bottom-lip quivering, Twyll managed to splutter “OK. I made a mistake. Sorry. I meant to say that I meant to invite Derek Griffiths, the Playschool presenter and the 18th Century writer Washington Irving. Now please excuse me, I have to go” before running away as fast as his little legs would carry him.
We met up with Seventies style icon Derek Griffiths last night over cocktails to gauge his reaction to this somewhat surprising news. He said “I was really excited to hear about the offer to speak at the Oxford Union when you rang me this afternoon. So I rang Oxford University up and told them I’d be delighted to accept the invitation if it still stands. The man on the other end said they don’t let blacks on the premises and hung up.”
1 comment:
The Oxford Union is a private organisation completely separate from the University itself. Criticising the Union is fine, but don't slander the actual university.
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