Blogging has come under attack from computer scientists and technology specialists. A report, published this morning by the Southampton & Hove Institute of Technology (S.H.I.T), has concluded that the vast majority of blog entries across the internet are “utterly pointless”.
Presenting the report, Professor Bill Rawles said that the blogging craze had polluted the internet with such an extravagant volume of inane waffle that it was actually getting quite difficult to find any decent pornography.
Professor Rawles continued “Our extensive research has concluded that, in 99.98% of cases, no-one, and I really do mean no-one, anywhere in the whole World, is even remotely interested in your self-obsessed droolings about your tedious little non-lives.”
The Professor proceeded to differentiate between those who run their own blogs (“Talentless timewasters but ultimately harmless wannabes”) and the lazier bloggers who spend their days reading entries from professional writers on established media websites, witlessly and pedantically criticising every single article (“Lonely, twisted, nerdy, illiterate failures.”).
The report concludes by saying that if the seemingly exponential growth of blogging is not halted soon, Western Society will come to a standstill; no-one will be doing any work as we’ll all be too busy pretending we’re interesting and erudite writers and social commentators. Like Stephen Fry or something. And then we’ll all starve to death and probably get eaten by the Nazis.
We approached one of the World’s most famous bloggers, gossip columnist Perez Hilton, for his reaction to the report. He said, with his customary caustic wit and eloquence “Oooh, now that Lindsay Lohan? She is suuuch a sluuut!”
Seeking a more relevant comment to the world of the ‘blogosphere,’ we met up with Britain’s top blogger, Francis Grink, for lunch. Mr Grink said “I’m sorry but I don’t appear to be able to express my emotions or personality on this, or indeed any other, issue in person. I’ll have to send you an email to describe my views OK?”
Presenting the report, Professor Bill Rawles said that the blogging craze had polluted the internet with such an extravagant volume of inane waffle that it was actually getting quite difficult to find any decent pornography.
Professor Rawles continued “Our extensive research has concluded that, in 99.98% of cases, no-one, and I really do mean no-one, anywhere in the whole World, is even remotely interested in your self-obsessed droolings about your tedious little non-lives.”
The Professor proceeded to differentiate between those who run their own blogs (“Talentless timewasters but ultimately harmless wannabes”) and the lazier bloggers who spend their days reading entries from professional writers on established media websites, witlessly and pedantically criticising every single article (“Lonely, twisted, nerdy, illiterate failures.”).
The report concludes by saying that if the seemingly exponential growth of blogging is not halted soon, Western Society will come to a standstill; no-one will be doing any work as we’ll all be too busy pretending we’re interesting and erudite writers and social commentators. Like Stephen Fry or something. And then we’ll all starve to death and probably get eaten by the Nazis.
We approached one of the World’s most famous bloggers, gossip columnist Perez Hilton, for his reaction to the report. He said, with his customary caustic wit and eloquence “Oooh, now that Lindsay Lohan? She is suuuch a sluuut!”
Seeking a more relevant comment to the world of the ‘blogosphere,’ we met up with Britain’s top blogger, Francis Grink, for lunch. Mr Grink said “I’m sorry but I don’t appear to be able to express my emotions or personality on this, or indeed any other, issue in person. I’ll have to send you an email to describe my views OK?”
Later that day Mr Grink’s email response arrived. It contained all of his feelings about the report which damned his entire life’s work and said “:-(”
