Actor Daniel Craig denied that a small penguin wupped his Lillie white a$s in America this week. "Listen you smuck I’m James Bond and no stupid fool of a penguin is going to take me out." The actor retorted.
We were standing outside his Hollywood hotel when the actor’s chauffer driven limousine pulled up. Mr Craig looking less than happy with himself glared into our camera as we bombarded him with questions. The news had just hit the headlines that Bond had been flipper slapped by a bunch of girly penguins.
"This is a total fabrication by the media in Hollywood due to the fact that on the opening day our movie didn’t make as much as their movie. I wasn’t even in the North Hollywood Cinemaplex on the alleged day. I don’t know where these rumours come from. Do I look like a man who would be flipper slapped by a freaky animal? It stinks of fish for god’s sake."
We left Mr Craig fuming on the roadside as we left in pursuit of the now famous penguin Mumbles.
We found the happy penguin in a local 7-11 picking up the groceries for the week. He was immaculately dressed in an Armani suit. A slight graze could visibly be seen above his left eye.
When we asked for his comments on the events aired in the local press he replied, "Look don’t get me wrong I can understand why someone supposedly brave, strong and ultra macho as Mr Bond wants to deny what happened. Look at me do I look like the kind of penguin who would make these things up?" Mumbles flashed us one of his famous smiles as he tap danced down the isles of the 7-11.
"I think he needs to wake up and smell the coffee, there is a new all action hero in town and he knows it. He’ll be smelling fish on his kipper for weeks. I slugged him that hard he needed emergency dentistry by all accounts."
We could not get any confirmation of this from Mr Craig’s representatives.
"I was minding my own business in the Floozy Woozy Bar on 8th and 2nd Street when this supposedly professional actor bumped into me spilling my Dakari out of my hand. I asked the smuck to apologise but he merely gave a stupid grin and carried on walking towards the exit door. I weighed up the options and thought why not, I can take him. He walked into the local cinemaplex and headed for the toilets. I followed him and walked into the toilets just as he was washing his hands at the sink. We didn’t speak but I had to do something so I peed all over his nice leather shoes. He tried to bend down and pick me up and that’s when I pistol whipped him with my right flipper. Whamo Slamo he went down like a bag of $hite. As he was on the floor I looked down at him and remember shouting- I’m the daddy now. I left the bozo counting birdies and stars."
No confirmation has been made with regards to a re-match fight taking place when their new movies come out next Fall
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