Thursday, April 24, 2008

Prezza Defends Puke Sex Claim


John Prescott has today slammed critics for casting doubt on his contention that his bulimia was responsible for his very public extra-marital affair with aide Tracey Temple.

The former Deputy PM shocked the nation last weekend with his revelation that he suffered from the illness (whereby the patient gorges on fatty food and then forces themselves to vomit it all up) which is usually associated with young women.

But it was Prescott’s assertion that the bulimia directly caused him to stray from his wife with former assistant Temple, 46, that provoked most criticism.

An embattled Mr Prescott this morning called a press conference in central London to provide prima facie medical evidence to confirm his assertions. He was accompanied by a psychiatrist renowned in the field of food-related anxiety, Doctor Tucker MacSpew. Dr MacSpew said

“It is quite reasonable, in my experience, to see that there is a clear correlation between feasting oneself on delicious treats like hamburgers and condensed milk and feasting one’s loins on a lovely female lady. Oh yes.”

When asked to provide actual evidence of this purported “correlation” Dr MacSpew replied “Well look at that Russell Brand. He used to be bulimic and now he’s The Sun’s ‘Shagger Of The Year’. I rest my case.”

We tracked down Mr Brand this afternoon to discover his take on the claims. “Why 'tis nought but rrrrhubarb” said the ballbags funnyman.

He went on “Oh and don’t forget to go and see my new film ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’. It’s out on Friday and I’m in it and everything! Just thought I’d mention that ‘cos I’ve been really reticent about the whole being asked to be in a Hollywood movie thing and I’ve hardly mentioned it to anyone. ‘Ere do you fancy a fumble then sweetcheeks?”

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