Monkey Nuts

In Northern India, unemployed youths are being trained to sterilise monkeys, in an attempt to keep the growing population in check. As was reported here recently, the monkey population in India has caused severe problems with yobish behaviour, vandalism, graffiti, and drunken, loutish behaviour by a small minority of the simian population.

A spokesmonkey for the British And North Asian Neutering Apes Society (BANANAS) claimed that the problems of young monkeys and the gang culture that surrounds them, gave the government no other option than sterilisation, to stop any further youngsters becoming involved in the future.

One of the youths involved in the sterilisation process, spoke of his excitement at his new role. Chopya Balsoff, 17, spoke of his enthusiam, "I cant wait to get stuck in, we get 1 ruppee for each sterilsed monkey, but the producers of "I'm a Celebrity..." give us 10 ruppees for each testicle...don't know what they do with them though?". Spokesmen for "I'm a Celebrity..." Mr Ant and Mr Dec denied any knowledge of the illigal monkey ball purchases, claiming that they only ever use fresh kangaroo testicles in all their tasks.