A panel of Britain’s top doctors today proposed controversial measures in response to the growing sickness epidemic engulfing the country. The British Union of Medicalists (B.U.M) have recommended that the government conduct a yearly winter cull of the population to prevent hospitals becoming overrun with patients each December and January.
B.U.M spokesman Dr Julian Barratt said that the majority of the population had no reason to be afraid of the proposed cull and explained that only the elderly and infirm would be slaughtered with clubs and planks of wood with nails sticking-out. “Oh and the poor as well” he added.
Dr Barratt continued “Every winter, the NHS is awash with these parasites pouring into surgeries and hospitals with their filthy rotten germs and expecting our over-worked administrators to somehow manage to fiddle, er I mean seasonally-adjust, the waiting list figures. This way, we can meet all of our insane government-set targets and our top surgeons and consultants can have Christmas and New Year off to spend in their luxurious Caribbean holiday homes. It’s really the only way.”
It is thought that all of the major political parties are willing to tacitly agree with the cull as they are all afraid of disagreeing with the powerful doctoring community. As our man-of-the-people Westminster correspondent, Geoff Gruff explained in his charmingly colloquial manner “This bunch of namby-pambies are all reet scared o’them there quacks after th’ Harley Street mob threatened t’stop writing them dodgy prescriptions for t’clap medicine. Dirty beggars they are, I tell thee.”
B.U.M spokesman Dr Julian Barratt said that the majority of the population had no reason to be afraid of the proposed cull and explained that only the elderly and infirm would be slaughtered with clubs and planks of wood with nails sticking-out. “Oh and the poor as well” he added.
Dr Barratt continued “Every winter, the NHS is awash with these parasites pouring into surgeries and hospitals with their filthy rotten germs and expecting our over-worked administrators to somehow manage to fiddle, er I mean seasonally-adjust, the waiting list figures. This way, we can meet all of our insane government-set targets and our top surgeons and consultants can have Christmas and New Year off to spend in their luxurious Caribbean holiday homes. It’s really the only way.”
It is thought that all of the major political parties are willing to tacitly agree with the cull as they are all afraid of disagreeing with the powerful doctoring community. As our man-of-the-people Westminster correspondent, Geoff Gruff explained in his charmingly colloquial manner “This bunch of namby-pambies are all reet scared o’them there quacks after th’ Harley Street mob threatened t’stop writing them dodgy prescriptions for t’clap medicine. Dirty beggars they are, I tell thee.”
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