It’s been a slow couple of days on the satirical news front what with it being New Year and all. Well that and the fact that all the major world news stories just happen to be just a teeny-weeny bit too sensitive for fat feckless wastrels like us to get involved in (yes we’re cowards, so what?).
So, until something funny happens or Big Brother Celebrity Attack starts on telly tonight, whichever is sooner, here is a brief round-up of the news in handy bite-size chunks.
Ex-popstar Gareth Gates has announced that he is getting married to his long-time sweetheart. The Unchained Melody ace, 23, has been dating dancer Suzanne Mole for five years, although that does technically include the two and half weeks it took for him to complete the marriage proposal.
Troubled TV funnyman Michael Barrymore was ‘all-white’ on New Year’s Eve when his pet cockatoo nervously reacted to the midnight fireworks and shat all over his face. The statue-up-the-arse comic said “feel free to insert your own pool party punchline”.
Jay Leno and The Tonight Show were back on the air last night after a two month enforced hiatus due to the Hollywood writers strike. Unfortunately, as NBC have failed to make a deal with the screenwriters union, Leno didn’t have the luxury of a team of writers to make him funny and produced little more than an hour of inconsequential, sycophantic interviews and deeply unamusing references. Strangely enough, viewers didn’t notice any difference.
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